Wordplay


“Arrows are Advancing”
Soren Bjornstad, 2013

Arrows are advancing
Against all animals’ abodes.
An ape aims arrows
At all available angles.

An arrow, an animal;
An animal, an arrow.
An ‘A’ approximates an arrow above;
Always an ‘A’, an arrow approximate.

Arrows are advancing
Along an airy anthill.
An ant avoids all arrows
And ambles along an aisle.

An author’s attempts at arrowed alliteration
Are always anticlimactic.
An ample ‘A’ amount
Affects article articulation awfully.

Arrows are advancing;
Amaranthine arrows always advance.
An ape, an ant, an animal —
Another aimless article aborts.

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“Beepers be Beeping”
Soren Bjornstad, 2013

Beepers beep before breakfast,
Beepers beep before brunch.
Beepers beep between breaktimes,
Beepers beep by the bunch.

Beepers be badgering buddies,
Beepers beleaguer Bob Blue.
Beepers by bunches be beeping,
Beepers be bellowing “Boo!”

But beepers be bought by bold bozos,
Before buds be bothered (like Blue).
By buying built barbarous beepers
Bold bozos brew beepers brand-new.

Beepers beep before bedtime,
Beepers beep before band.
Beepers beep between blackouts,
Beepers beep — bold brigands!

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“I’ve Been Working on the Website”
Soren Bjornstad, 2013
(sung to the tune of “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad”)

I’ve been working on the website
All the live-long day.
I’ve been working on the website
Just to pass the time away…

Can’t you hear the server running,
Pow’r on early in the morn?
Can’t you hear the users shouting,
“Dammit, 404!

Admin won’t you fix,
Admin won’t you fix,
Admin won’t you fix that URL?
Admin won’t you fix,
Admin won’t you fix,
Admin won’t you fix it now?”

Someone’s in the server with root,
Someone’s in the server on the root account.
Someone’s in the server with ro-ot,
Messing with our URLs!

Fee, fie, fiddly-i-o,
Fee fie fiddly-i-o-o-o-o,
Fee, fie, fiddly-i-o,
Messing with our URLs!

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“After Printing, a Job”
Soren Bjornstad, 2014

Waiting waiting waiting
To print is such a war.
Waiting waiting waiting
It always leaves me sore.

The network never transmits,
The printer’s always jammed.
If ever printing finishes
On time, then I’ll be damned.

Waiting waiting waiting
My job’s still in the queue.
Waiting waiting waiting –
I might run to the loo.

When printing with my own hand
I never have to wait;
But printing with computers?
I’m only tempting Fate.

Waiting waiting waiting
Just maybe it’ll send!
Waiting waiting waiting –
When will this waiting end?

And when it fin’lly transmits
My paper o’er the link,
I walk down to the printer
To find it’s out of ink!

Waiting waiting waiting
On this I never planned.
Waiting waiting waiting –
My printouts I demand!

So fin’lly here’s a printer
With paper, ink, and pow’r;
But oops, Cannot Authenticate:
This just is not my hour.

Waiting waiting waiting
I can’t afford delay.
Waiting waiting waiting…
While class is on its way.

Yet presently, it somehow works,
My document’s in hand;
But must I go through this again?
I must misunderstand.

Waiting waiting waiting
To print is such a chore;
Waiting waiting waiting
Just trouble evermore.

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